The downside of country life Part 2

I’ve been monumentally ill this week.  Not looking for pity, but something in my environment triggered an asthma attack of note and I was forced to call the local ambulance for relief and oxygen.  They were excellent, efficient and I am very grateful to them, however, their presence outside my house was noted by the criminal lowlifes who chose that night to break into my garage.

But I digress.  The issue is the allergen that triggered the asthma attack of note.  I am not some wussy city asthmatic that gets a conniption when I’m exposed to the countryside.  I grew up in the country, where veld fires were a regular Sunday event.  There was no trash pickup, so the “hole” containing our household waste was set alight by my pyromaniac mother on a regular basis.  I’m South African.  We roast meat over open coals.  I’ve been a heavy smoker of various comestibles for 30 years.  Ergo, I have invincible iron lungs, so an asthma attack such as the one I experienced was rather an unpleasant surprise.

Trying to identify the trigger was rather difficult.  Canola?  Crop spraying?  Black wattle? Spring pollen? Roundup?  Feces?

The day before I had the attack, I cut the grass outside my garage very short, using sheep shears, delicately lifting the “dog and cat feces” and placing them in bags for removal.  Imagine my surprise on Saturday morning to see two young women hunkered over my newly cut grass with their pants around their ankles, eyes watering as they pinched out some rather pathetic and unhealthy looking specimens.   In broad daylight.   Saturday morning, busiest day of the week with moms and prams and dads and bicycles passing by.

When I went outside to ask them if they might want to use an inside toilet like human beings, they let loose with some of the pungent language that is common in these parts.  I took out my camera and pretended to take their photograph, whereupon these choice young ladies, ran off giggling, covering their faces.

Clearly I need to replace the grass outside my garage with something a little less soft and inviting.  The only question is – nettles or cacti?

 

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About NIDS LOVE BIG EYES

South African writer, crafter and all round animal lover
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13 Responses to The downside of country life Part 2

  1. Dani says:

    Definitely nettles – they’re quick growing and reach a decent height fairly quickly. What a cheek!!!

    May I suggest that inviting anyone “strange” into your home to use your modern conveniences is not a good idea – not in today’s climate. Not anywhere in the world.

    I have been waking up with a stuffy nose too – most unusual for me. Must be the farmers spraying their fields 😦

  2. NIDS LOVE BIG EYES says:

    Dani, you’re right, but if there was a bit of humility on the part of these girls, the slightest amount of shame, I have a convenience that has no access to the house that can be used. Of course, once they slagged off my late mother’s ladyparts that was the end of that thought. Their mums must be so proud.
    The farmers swear up and down their spraying is perfectly healthy, but we know better, don’t we?.

  3. Helen says:

    What an all round dreadful situation. The sooner the nettles go in, the better it would seem. And I hope you find out the cause of your monumental asthma attack and then a way to prevent any further attacks.

    • NIDS LOVE BIG EYES says:

      Thanks Helen, I hope so. So much for that pure clean country air, eh.

      • Helen says:

        Mm, yes! What would bring people to defecate so openly?

      • NIDS LOVE BIG EYES says:

        To be honest, my town isn’t overly endowed with public toilets, but they are available for anyone prepared to walk a few blocks. It’s more a social problem than a lack of facilities. Angry girls roaming in packs.

      • Helen says:

        There aren’t any public toilets in my village but we don’t have that kind of issue. I can appreciate the anger in these girls, though. As I’ve just been reading elsewhere, easier to create social regression than to solve it…..

      • NIDS LOVE BIG EYES says:

        In my country, feces are used as a weapon. It’s a metaphorical shitting on middle class people and their middle class lawns and their middle class concerns. It’s quite common when burgling a house for the miscreant to leave a little smelly bomb somewhere around the house, just to add insult to injury. To me it’s about envy – if I can’t have it I’m going to spoil your enjoyment of it, nyah nyah so there.

      • Helen says:

        It does happen here, too… not nice but I can understand it.

  4. davone rodgers says:

    Claire- I can’t reach Etsy. Looks like maybe their site is down. I’m in the hospital. Emergency C-Section crazy scary 48 hours but baby is here. Tucker is great. Mama is hurting might need some blood today, but everyone is going to be great. I’ll get you $$ – do you want to send it direct to paypal or ?? whatever you like. Not sure what is wrong with Etsy but I’m happy to send you another way. baby tucker is here!
    big hugs
    D-MA

    • NIDS LOVE BIG EYES says:

      Davone, please don’t worry about this now. So glad Tucker and mom are getting through this. Concentrate on the important baby stuff and let’s work it out later. Congratulations to all of you, and welcome to the world baby Tucker.

  5. Nettles sting terribly, but cacti last a lot longer and will certainly inhibit the desire.

    • NIDS LOVE BIG EYES says:

      I found out that there are public toilets just a block away in the old Ubuntu Crafters building, so there’s no excuse. There’s also the guys who pee on my ivy, but it doesn’t seem to mind and is looking quite lush.

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